Joy

I haven't wrote anything lately very deep. I used to be a pretty deep writer it seems until kids came and stole my very brain cells from my head. The snot, dinners and constant need has almost come and stolen some parts of my ability to even put pen to paper. 

Our move and Ryder being a one year old who is walking and finding or making messes with sonar-like reflexes has taken my once ability to eloquently write to shreds. Which is similar to how my life feels like right now. A shredder has come and fragmented my life to little pieces of which God has total control. I am not in control anymore and that can be a trifle scary. 

These tedious days of diapers and messes; constant toys and sometimes loneliness are only a stage. A stage that lasts so short of of time, but almost feels like university again. All-nighters with a sick baby instead of a test. Diapers and clothes and classes that skew
the budget instead of clothes. 

And being away from home and having a whole new set of people around you in a strange part of the country. They say that having a baby is so precious and that you will always remember those years. I remember people saying that as we were in college as we were dirt poor and living on ramen noodles and CiCi's pizza. 

And it makes me wonder in hindsight if those years get better and better because we have the time to appreciate the little hugs with renewed and full hearts. Our hearts are not sapped from pouring out so constantly and full like a rushing river of thoughts, fears and worries. Our hearts have had time to renew and find strength in the quiet moments of life where our memories become sweeter. 

Our time with our best friends are not only at the end of the day when we are utterly spent and are "touched out" (a coin a friend once admitted to and I have to agree." 

If I had to remember things right now it would be Sophie's sweet way to saying chihuahua's (koala) or Ava's rapt attention at church and her singing and dancing on stage or Ryder pointing with his index finger at books as I read to him. It's so worth it because at the end of the day I am full. Full of joy of a job that is not easy or timely rewarded. 

That will take years to fully understand. 

“Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. She gives most who gives with Joy.”

Mother Teresa  (1910-1997);